Why You Shouldn’t Visit Canada Next Year

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on Oct 26, 16 • by • with 6 Comments

Why You Shouldn’t Visit Canada Next Year

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So you’ve heard that Lonely Planet has named Canada the top country to visit in 2017? Well, here’s why you should completely ignore this and do not visit Canada next year.

The mountains aren’t that big

Lake Louise (top) isn’t that impressive, really. You can barely see anything from the Yukon peaks, such as Rake Mountain (bottom).

lake louise canoeists canadian rockies

tombstone hiking 3

They’re really not that pretty either

Have you considered going to Patagonia instead? Canada’s mountains are just a bit so-so on the looks front.

mountain views curme islands desolation soundDesolation Sound, BC (top)  Yukon roadside scenery (bottom)

driving to yukon road trip

There’s no history or culture

As Lonely Planet pointed out, Canada is only 150 years old in 2017. What does a new country like Canada really have to offer visitors in terms of history and culture?

Alert Bay First Nation art (2)First Nation carvings in Alert Bay, BC (top), Acadian lighthouse in Shippagan, NB (middle), Barkeville Historical town, BC (bottom)

Acadian lighthouse Shippagan

barkerville bc horse and cart

The cities are polluted and ugly

There’s so much smog that you can barely see anything in cities such as Vancouver. And in Quebec City, the buildings are so repulsive you wouldn’t want to see them anyway.

vancouver city viewDowntown Vancouver from Cypress Mountain turnoff (top) Quebec City old streets (bottom)

quebec city old streets

There’s nothing to eat or drink

Nothing grows in Canada, so it is hard to make good food or beverages. Poutine is a myth and all those orchards and vineyards aren’t real.

Okanagan Valley orchards near KelownaKelowna orchards, BC, (top), Therapy Vineyards, BC

 

therapy vineyard okanagan naramata bench

There’s nothing to do either

I’m not really sure how Canadians survive the boredom they must experience.

ridge run apex feb 3Apex Ski Resort, BC (top), Della Falls Trail, BC

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della falls view hike vancouver island

The weather is terrible, even in the summer

Everyone knows that Canada only has one season – winter.

okanagan lake views kvr pentictonNaramata Bench vineyards, BC (top), Sandy Lake, BC

the best day sandy lake eno doublenest

It’s just a big frozen wasteland really

Nothing to see, anywhere in this huge country. There’s no diversity here.

Carcross Desert YukonCarcross Desert, Yukon Territory (top), Lanezi Lake, BC

lanezi lake bowron lakes bc canoe

Canada definitely isn’t as picture perfect as some people say

It’s all photoshop. After all, there’s no such thing as #nofilter in Canada.

vaseux lake okanagan valley bcVaseux Lake, BC (top), Moraine Lake, Alberta

moraine lake canadian rockies view

It’s not worth trying to see the wildlife

Bears, bison, moose, oh my? You must be thinking of the wrong place, Canada has no interesting animals.

black bear apex mountain

moose alaska highway

The beaches are dirty and full of people

Three coasts and thousands of kilometres…..and not one nice beach amongst them. Avoid.

Cape Scott Provincial Park hike Nels BightNels Bight beach, Cape Scott Provincial Park, BC (top), Inverness Beach, NS (middle) Okanagan Lake beach, Penticton, BC (bottom)

inverness beach nova scotia

okanagan lake penticton spring 2016

The people are rude

With the weather so bad, the land so barren and a severe lack of fun things to do, who can blame them?

Canada Day Dawson City (1024x768)Canada Day celebrations in Dawson City, Yukon (top), Snowshoeing at Big White Ski Resort, BC

big white snowshoeing 2015 dec

Disclaimer: Yes, this is a satrical post. We love Canada and want everyone to visit in 2017. But not all at the same time, okay?

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6 Responses to: Why You Shouldn’t Visit Canada Next Year

  1. I lost you for a while, Gemma, and finding this article was a great way to get back in touch. I love how you think and what you do! I’ll be on the road on a BC wander from late April until late June next June, and will be watching you now to see if we can meet again.

  2. Kevin Taylor says:

    Great article, loved the satire!

  3. Jim Stewart says:

    Hilarious. typical Canadian tongue in cheek humour. Well done.

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